*Why am I doing this?*

It’s a waiting game.

It’s always a waiting game.

Even when you’re in the middle of a friggin game, you’re unconsciously waiting.

What are you waiting for?  For something, obviously…anything, really.

Well………

Since nothing in life is certain but for death and taxes,…let’s ponder upon this fact:

There 550 million firearms in circulation all around the world…

That’s one firearm for one in every twelve persons in the world,

The question is; “How do you supply firearms to the other eleven?”

(Taken from : "Lord of War")

Now, let us resume the wait.

Oh, morbidity … the eloquence of morbidity.

Ah….how morbid…..

In the midst of dying brain cells and heaping piles of burned textbooks, I find comfort and solace in:

Meet Lambie n Georoffe!!!

Lol - yes, I am 24 years old and I have dolls

I’ve been thinking lately about how I love cuddly stuff and how emo I’ve become lately. Hahaha - seemingly unrelated right? Wait till you hear my brilliant plan for weaving them together….

*silence*

Darn! They ARE unrelated :p !!!!

Anywayyyyy, let’s ignore that temporary bout of insanity for a while and enjoy the slew of cutie animal piccies I am about to unleash upon you…. (note: pics are all taken during my annual pilgrimage to Featherdale’05/’06):

First up, we have the darling maskot of Australia…The KOALA!!!! This not-bear oozes cute-ness like Jul Li dishes out dimples :p

Next up, what we lovingly referred to as the ‘kuih pandans’…..The Green Tree Frogs!!!!

(names made up by me)

OOOhhhh, the terror, the terrible, the tyrant….the utterly-misunderstood Tazzy Dev!!!!

(It’s NOT misunderstood, it is an extremely feisty animal that will bite you…but it’s so comeeeeelllll!hahaha)

HAH! Philip Island refused to let me photograph them, but here they are in all their cuddle-me-n-bring-me-home glory…THE FAIRY PINGUssssss!!!!

(also known as penguins)

They’re spiky and fast on their short, little feet. They also lie down on the sand funny…hmm…where got animals sleep liddat wan?

(I have no quip)

And of course, the day will NOT be complete if I did not have a chance to finally touch my favourite-st marsupial…

The legendary, the always-sleeping, the face-so-ugly-only-a-mother-could -love (I beg to differ)…WOMBAT!!!!

PLUS!!! I got to touch it!!!! - That’s my hand

So yes, it was a great trip up to Blacktown this time ’round :). I love animals. I tend to want to touch them and hold them and feel God’s miraculous creations close against me - tangible, alive and breathing…co-existing with the intangible but miserably-real hate, anger and pain out there in the world. (woooo, in danger of getting serious there!!!!)

Life’s gotten a lot busier lately. (Updates galore ahead) ……

-The ADND is now but a dream’s that fleeted by and MSA is a reminder of what I’m no longer (actively) part of.
-My diary is now filled with pages scribbled with destined-for-assignment notes and jottings of a mind twisted by words, words and more words.
-Lol - I think I’m getting on Seng Chee’s nerves by automatedly correcting his errors and I think I’ve upped the ante lately by correcting my own utterences - audibly…
-My organizer has assignment datelines pencilled in and work shifts hastily scratched in (usually on Sunday nights when I get the calls from my boss).
-My bank account balance is gradually depleting and I can’t wait for the end of October - It’s Raya and we’re getting a fat duit-raya packet coming in :).
-My laundry calls out to me.
-My various belongings are screaming ‘pick me’ when I should be packing them off to a jumble sale.
-My food intake has been astronomical, thanks to the chefs at Unit 30 (’regular chefs’ : Shim, Daniel, Khairil, Norzie, Seng n Zaini…thanks also to the ‘guest chefs’) - I’m eating really well…maybe too well).
-The season is changing, but the weather’s gotten weird as hell - blisteringly hot one day and cold the next.

Oooo, oooo, we (the ‘gone’ MSA comm) also had our dinner - it was a fun night out!

That’s all of us at Gourmet Pizza Kitchen…

That’s Zan, me and Shim going for the Walnut-carrot cake at Andronicus….

That’s Daniel threatening to eat us if we didn’t back up….

Hey Jules, what did u hear? And why are u backing away too?

That’s Dan giving up and us posing (stating the obvious aren’t I?)

So, anyway - the evening was a blast…bla bla bla

It’s been a long blog and I’m sure you’ve had enough of reading, right? Lol - signing off…loving everyone from the tips of my toes to the ends of my split-ends - until, of course, I start work (countdown….10. 9. 8. 7. ….)

It’s funny how things happen and events occur and you find yourself storing all those memories in your head - like a messy, overflowing closet, you stuff in more and more things. Sometimes, a t-shirt falls out. Or you dig deep for a favourite pair of jeans and find a long-forgotten pair of shorts that you love. Indeed, you could be looking for a pair of shoes and find a bag that you bought but never use.

Lol - I’m not very sure how to say it because I have so much to say, but, like a piece of thread that’s knotted itself up, I don’t even know where to begin unravelling my thoughts or how to end it.

I guess what I want to say is that, the ADND we had two nights ago was a beautiful celebration of the Malaysian students’ scene in past twelve months, and I am so so so so glad I played a small part in it. I find it hard to explain, sometimes, why my affections and involvement with MSA and other student-body-related clubs/events run so deep, and I find it hard to justify my sacrificing academics and money to do seemingly time/money-consuming stuff like attend meetings in the city, dance at dance parties, eat at dinners, cheer at sport events, wave arms at MFest and play dress-up for ADND.

That’s the thing though, it’s become so much part of my life that I don’t see it as a sacrifice, it just is. When you’re far away from home, friends become your family. They look after you, pamper you, laugh at you, laugh with you, annoy you, love you and generally become a huge part of your life. Towards the end of last year, I made the committment to help out with MSA and today, I stand happily with a whole bunch of ‘new’ best buddies - and I am ONLY beginning to see it now - at the very end..through MFest, through our AGM and through the ADND. How strange that things are often only clear in hindsight….

So, back to our Annual Dinner & Dance…

Venue : Hilton, Sydney
Date: 22nd Sept 2006
Theme: Fantasia
Colours: Purple, silver and black
Cost per head: AUD 89.00

Like I said, it was a beautiful event. Kudos to Eunice Kua (my Co-Events EP) and the rest of the Co-Events team for envisioning such a breathtaking arena were so much unfurled. (Drats, I haven’t got pics of the venue to show!!) Quoting Shim: “Why I don;t have pics? You wanna know why I don’t have pics? I’ll TELL you why I didn’t have pics!” Lol - It was because I got there late (horrible traffic jam) and was slow in helping to decorate the place. Lol - I was terrible at arranging the flowers, for some reason, Zan Li was extremely gifted at this. Anyway, Eunice took pity on me and got me to tie ribbons around the vases instead

Anyway, I didn’t manage to take pics of the room because right after decorating we all ran (me still in my shorts and tee) to the opposite room in order to change into our dresses for the evening. It was funny - I recall dashing across the corridor past Tuan Haji in my extremely dishevelled condition :p

I managed to dress up properly in the end. And here I would like to pay tribute to my lovely dress (i have not named it, maybe I should :p). It was a last minute decision to change my dress (I had another planned initially) but I am so glad I did. This dress was beautiful….I don’t know if I did it justice, but it was beautiful….

The evening went well - there were funny performances from the committe, and hilarious skits from Lohes and Wei and Aaron. The food was good. The wine was passable (not that I would know :p). The company was brilliant!!!!! *big grin*

But the best fun was to be had AFTER the desert spoons went clanging - PHOTOSHOOT time!!!!

Friends of mine know the camwhore in me so that’s when the drunken (or just weirdly high) revelry started:

This was one of the more serious poses - Committee Members of MSA’05/06. Zan, you lost your bet to Sunny issit? :p

That’s the eerie Sunny acting as Casper the Friendly Ghost pic… :p

That’s one of the many ‘Pimp-ster’ pics we girlies took with the guys :p….

My own ‘Pimp-ette’ pic (hehehe). I swear I’m one of the lads (most of the time) except: “I demand to be FED!”

With Sakinah - the lurvely babe I’m handing my secretarial post to

All the girlies from MSA!!!!

Outside Hilton - we made a passing lady hold the cam for us for this one

ADND 06 ROX ppl!!!!! Loved every second of it! Kisses and Muaks! The slideshows and videos made me tear up a little.

The shared time that we had.
The shared (almost) lives.
The ups and the downs.
The tears of frustration, of joy, and of triumph.
All that was, reflects all that could be.
All that could be, will be.

I guess for everyone who was involved in the Msian students’-organised scene, be it as a organizing comm member or as a participating member, life in Sydney away from all things familiar, friends, lovers, family and pets, would’ve been much less fulfilling and fruitful without our beloved clubs and the friends we made through them (long sentence with numerous embed-ment but I;m sure you catch my drift). Please raise your glasses, ladies and gentlemen….Here’s to the fantabulous year we’ve had….again….CHEERS!!!!

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P.s.

And after the glitzy glamour of Hilton, we HAD to indulge in some down to earth, Asian activity. And what better way than to go KARAOKE-ing at 1.30am??? lol

The girls finally piled into Wei’s car at 3.30am to begin the trip home to Macq Uni. We were all tired as…but I think I speak on everyone’s behalf when I say that ADND FANTASIA 06 was EXCELLENT!!!!

On the night AFTER Shim’s bday:

We gathered all and sundry to wake him up in the middle of the night….this is but a small fraction of the ppl who turned up :p

We dressed the birthday boy in his present: A REINDEER HAT! Isn’t he cute???!!!! *snigger*

We had loads of fun that night:

- Check Ai Ling out, ppl! She’s having fun…and at what, we shall keep a secret :p!

- We had people laughing and smiling for no reason! Always a good sign!
-

- We had a skul-ling (dunno how to spell) comp!

-There were dumb interview sessions!

- What’s red-faced and likes to take pictures? A DRUNK pic-taking MONSTA aka Seng Chee!

And we had not ONE but TWO shutter moments:

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Hahahahaha - Yes, it was a good night for all :0)

Especially for Foong, our champ guzzler!

Last night MSA had its Annual General Meeting

It has been raining daily for about a week now and I’d been sicky for that entire duration of time - so the AGM could not have come at a worse time (for me). I chaired the meeting last night and I ploughed through (and tormented the audience) with my sniffling, throat-clearing and xtreme-nasal voice…”sengau nak mampus”. And although there were a few mini-crises, all went well

This morning I woke up feeling kinda strange. For many, many weeks now I’d been looking forward to closing this chapter of my life here in Australia. I was tired of constantly running around for meetings, practices and organising stuff.

But when it came down to it, I was terribly terribly …sigh, words fail me, and “sad”’s not even close to what I’m feeling.

When I look at my Friendster profile,I see that I’d written: “Quite suddenly MSA.” under my Affliations. I wrote that about a year ago. Now, when I think of all the stuff that I’ve experienced being part of MSA’s committee - I feel incredibly fortunate and grateful for taking up Sunny’s offer of employment as MSA’s secretary. I think at that time I just felt honoured and happy that I could be part of something that I had high regards for, but now the emotions that I feel goes way way way beyond that.

This picture was taken n the day Raya ShioQ was being set up. I remember that morning being the same morning that I finished and handed a 40% assignment - so I was pretty knackered at that time. That was my first experience with not sleeping for 48 hours :p I learnt very quickly how to juggle with club work/activities coinciding with my assignments and exams and part-time jobs :p MIaoza!

Personal ramblings aside, I look at MSA today and reflecting upon all the activities that we’d organised or got involved in, I can’t express how proud and privileged I am to be part of the team that helped make it all happen. As I listened to Sunny, Ve Leong, Daniel and Shim’s speeches last night - I got pretty emo and really started to tear. (Then my self-preservation skills kicked in: tears + flu + long hair = smeared mascara and blubbering = freaky ghost fr the Ring). So I got a grip of myself in time, and managed to smile through the thing, but I really really wanted to run around and hug everyone around me at the time.

Sunny’s speech time.

And though Daniel claimed me as being “useless after selecting pictures” for the AGM’s visual presentation the night before, I was actually just being very quiet and emo because I felt so sad :(. And just as I couldn’t let go of MFest (no more dikir barat pracs, no more laughing and joking and hassling friends), I find it difficult to let go of MSA now…

No more pencil-ling dates into my diary and planning my stuff around meetings and events.

No more shouting and laughing and going OT during meetings.

No more wondering when Sunny’s going to call me up and rush me for reports/minutes etc.

No more committee-members-only emails - usually spawning a whole series of jabs and jokes online.

No more hilarious/narcissistic pictures taken during MSA-events. For e.g:

and

Bla bla bla….

So although we’re only going to be officially relieved of our duties on the night of ADND, I am already feeling the severence of the worst kind from my MSA-comm family. After this I’d probably see the likes of Ve Leong, Foong, Azan and Devan way way less…maybe once or twice before I fly home and that breaks my heart - it truly does. Like I said - we’re like family now and they’ve seen me at my absolute worst and maybe had glimpses of my best - and I am going to miss that so so so much :(.

So it’s not a joke when I say I really wish we could ‘turn back time’ (the theme song for our slideshow). This post is dedicated to the MSA committee for 2005/06 and also to MSA’s members who have supported the club so much….thank you all so much for every bit of the time we spent in MSA.

Thanks for entrusting me with the job. The pleasure is, undoubtedly, all mine.

Love, hug, peace and thanks….

*Edited: Hehehe - I started blogging this morning but didn’t manage to finish it before having to run off to work. So here’re some more pics and words. The edited parts are denoted with a ‘+’ sign….

Lots have happened since the last time I blogged here. Nothing much has changed on the personal front, of course. I am still: - KG’s studying-overseas-dunno-what-she’s-up-to girlfriend,
- the neurotic employee/hsemate,
- the lazy-ass, procrastinating student,
- the gym convert,
- the needy and overly dependent friend etc etc.

The only thing that shook me up bad recently was my dad’s admission into hospital for a stroke. It was scary and devastating for me; having to be so far from him and not knowing what was going on. I only found out when my sis let slip! For the next few days, I lived on my mom’s update calls and KG’s comforting.

Things are looking better now, and I thank the LORD for that. I composed a prayer for my dad the night I heard the news and besides being a prayer to GOD for guidance and help, I realised how therapeutic it was… I was spilling all my emotions into it and I suddenly realised how much I really really loved my dad and my mom.

I wanted them to be forever “my parents”; in the 2-in-1 shampoo kind of way. I needed them together and I needed them for me. I want to be a better daughter. I want to tell them how much I love them - and I did, during the phone call on my dad’s bday. I love you, Mee & Dee!

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On a happier note, I’ve been experiencing so much with the MSA-related going-ons last couple of weeks!

1. MGM - Malam Gema Merdeka

This event was held at UNSW on the eve of our nation’s Bday :). It was great night. The food was so-so but the company and the little Malaysian flags they gave out were great!

MGM = Macquarie Gang at Merdeka!

See what I mean about the flags?

2. MFest06!!!!

This was surely the hottest day of the season so far! I was/am burnt and now sport a yinyang kinda look :p (I’m burnt on the left side of my body :p). But! It was all worth it! The day started really for us Macquarians. We got on a really early bus at some un- Godly hour and made our way to Darling Harbour. I was travelling with the rest of the Dikir Barat and Ulek Mayang troupe and had to struggle not falling asleep on the bus.

We got there and had several rounds of practice in a secluded corner of the venue. We also prac-ed once in the dressing room :p. We were a noisy bunch. It was fuuuuuuunnnnnn hehehe!

Anyway, to cut the long story short - none of us won anything at the raffles (damnit) but we did stage fantastic performances!!! I can’t begin to express how proud I felt to be associated with the fine people who hand-waved (Geng DB) and danced (Geng UM) and sashayed (Fashion Show team) and walked (Sketch) their way into the audience’s heart. I’ve heard good things about us, ppl !!!! *super huge megawatt smile*

+Hehehe - I’m not only showing off the DB troupe okay? Here are other pics from my HDD

Yay, DB rox!

Soz, I haven’t got a pic showing everyone, but I like the yellow in the this pic - and as Sunny says, “so enthralling”! :]

Ahhh, our guys fr Macq: Sunny, Ve Leong, Azan and Shim - the colours damn muhibbah!

Models Co. Models Inc. Models@Mfest

Sandwich-ed!!!! between two models - dyou think they’ll start bitch-slapping anytime soon?

Here I am - self-promo - blatantly loving Mfest!!!!

*muaks*

I was at the gym today.

Yes, I was there.

And I wasn’t just there watching people exercise, I was THERE! I spent an hour and a half actually working out! I’m still a bit surprised that I actually did it, really. As friends and family would testify, I would usually rather spend my time doing nothing, absolutely NOTHING (re: eat and sleep), than spend evenm a minute doing something that would require more energy and effort than I am used to (which is NONE).

I seemed to have quite happily lived my life holding on to Homer’s (Simpson; not the cool, blind dude whose existance is kinda debatable) Motto:

“REMEMBER, IF SOMETHING REQUIRES EFFORT DOING, IT IS NOT WORTH DOING AT ALL”. :p

Well, due to some technicalities involving a comely t-shirt and O-week confusion, I found myself signed up for a 10-visit pass to Macquarie’s Uni Health and Fitness Centre. And today, I made my way to the gym today and dragged poor Eesha with me for a session of BodyPump!

It was oddly (remember…I hate working out) satisfying! I had fun but I gotta say…my muscles are screaming in pain atm! Hehehe - they’ve been lying dormant for too long!!!

*EDIT* I loved the instructor though, if I went for girls, she’s be soooo my type! Well, actually, even though I’m not a girlie person, I gotta say: she is still my type! Her name is Olivia and she’s adorable - even when pumping a ten-kilo barbell while doing squats and lifts :p! Ooooh, and she’s vegetarian! Like Eesh is :p.

Oh btw, I’d like to dedicate this post to Eesha. Not only did she accompanied me during such a trying time, she has also been COOKing for me for the past two days!!!!! *MUAKS* That, of course isn’t necessarily a good thing (*mumbles* makes me load up like the piggy that I am *mutter mutter*), but the foood was just too good! Lol - thanks so much Eesh!

And yes, well, while I was showering, I thought of the following:

Grow Your Muscles!

Gimme Your Money!

Grunt, Yell and Moan!

Get Your Mojo!

Goodbye Y (useless) Meat (re:Fat)!

Hehehehe - look forward to further useless ramblings (maybe) should I ever go GYM-ing again!

*EDIT* I just had to include this great line I heard today:

(With reference to me starting to work out ) - The results are encouraging but inconclusive :p

p.s. And if you were wondering why the post ended kinda abruptly, it was because KG called and I had to go :p..and the I got too malas to continue writing :p. Don’t talk to me about journalistic/writing integrity !!! hehehe

I think I come across as a very money-oriented person to people who know me.   I have a feeling I exude this vibe in a lot of what I say, complain, whinge and rave about.  It happens every time I unhesitatingly let all and sundry know that my preferred form of gift comes in one and only one form :

After Kean Ghee left Sydney on the 15th July, I was left with one day to do something that I had utterly neglected due to the excitement of KG’s visit.

My Melbourne Trip!

I had organised the important part of the trip, of course:

- how I was to get there (flight, courtesy of my generous, credit-card holding parents) :p
- where I was to stay (at A charming apartment in Fairfield, courtesy of my generous, long-time buddies; Amy and Siang Wey)

But besides those ticks, I had absolutely no idea what else to do there :p. (So unlike the OCD me who plans and plans and plans somemore)!

Anyway the following is a brief summary of my trip there and also a tribute to Amy and Siang Wey’s INSAAAAANE (in a good way) hospitality….

The first thing I experienced after I walked down the ramp into Melb Airport was Siang Wey sans Amy (who was working), beaming at me and offering to take my luggage (contrary to what he wrote in his testimonial to me). And when we got home, I immediately got fed two pieces of bread and butter (I refused the repeated offers of cheese and kaya because I was sicky) and several hours later, a meal at a restaurant in the city called Bluefire (I think). Below’s the pic of us during the first of many fine meals to come.

The days that followed were wonderful! I shopped and ate and walked around Melbourne CBD, often with Siang Wey in tow as my tour guide (or ‘pack-mule’ as Amy lovingly calls him :p), and meeting up with Amy for a delicious dinner before heading home for the day.

A typical day would be:

1. Taking the train from Fairfield to the city!

2. Shopping all around the city

3. Depending on the plans for the day;

- Sightseeing at the Yarra river!

-Going for the Picasso exhibition!

- Sitting on a sidewalk bench

- Going to prison! (uhuhuhuhuh)(okay, I was smiling…but, Melbourne Gaol is scary, ppl!)

4. Meeting up with Amy for dinner
- here’s an example of a particularly memorable night! We rendezvous-ed with Amy in the city and hopped on a tram - and I steal Amy from Siang Wey’s side for a quick photo opp in the vintage tram:

We got off the tram at Docklands (which is equivalent to our Darling Harbour, I s’pose) and start walking to where all the restaurants were…Along the way, several things distracted me; a cow trapped on a tree, for instance……

Hehehe - and the we proceed to dine at restaurant called The Berth (and what fine, yummy-licious food they served!). I was (again) receipient of Amy and Siang Wey’s ….

[OTT: Amy and Siang Wey - that's such a mouthful, maybe I'll christen u guys: WeyMy - pronounced as wei-mee! - the brilliance is clear! ]

*ahem* as I was saying, WeyMy’s generosity. Here is my tiny thanks:

It was a great night guys!

During the weekend, we took a driving trip down to Philip Island. We were there for different reasons, I believe. Amy’s was to see the cute ko-a-las at the conservation centre:

Mine was to see the PENGUIN PARADE! They were awesomely cute! But we were strictly forbidden from taking pics, so here’s my offering:

(look carefully, what’s under the car?)….

And Siang Wey’s intention was to…erm, I’m not sure what it was (probably none) but maybe to fulfil Amy’s wishes and be a good host to me :p. hehehe, whaddya think, Siang Wey?

So that was the Philip Island trip :)…

We also made it to Smith Street on Sunday for a spot of shopping, with Amy and myself both bagging the same top :p… But the highlight of that night was surely the shabu-shabu we had that night! OISHIIIII-ne! Last supper shot:

It was a great trip all in all…and I credit it not to the city of Melbourne (okay, mebe 20% la), but to my wonderful host and hostess:

AMY & SIANG WEY!!!!!!

Thank you soooooooooooooooooooooooo much! Oh, and thanks heaps for YAKITATE! I felt so loved and cared for - so, here’s my award to you guys for host and hostess of the year:

JENG JENG JENG! (dang, the lack of sound effects really slack lar :p)

muaks muaks MUAKS! Till I see you guys in Dec!

For the first time tonight, as I walked down the lane leading to my home, I didn’t feel as if I was heading home.

You see, I always have a ‘point’ that I deem ‘reach home’ or ‘sampai rumah’ or ‘dou oug kei’.

♠ Back in Kajang, it’s turning at the intersection into Soon Lee (the restaurant behind my house).

♠ At IPBA, it was walking along the road, flanked left and right with coconut trees, leading up to my hostel block.

♠ Here in Oz, it’s walking past the post boxes or walking down the lane behind Daniel’s unit.

Back to my original point, walking down that lane didn’t do it for me tonight. I felt so empty inside…and now that I’m in my room, I still don’t feel as if I’m at home.

I have a theory as to why this is.

People say, “Home is where the heart is”.

My heart’s left me. It’s flown away on a plane with Kean Ghee.

My heart’s with Kean Ghee.

And so that’s why I don’t feel at home anymore. My ‘home’ is where my beloved is…..sigh*

The past ten days has been like a sweet dream; much too short and it;s making me crave for more.

Kean Ghee arrived in Sydney two Thursdays ago:

That’s us in the train going home to Macq Village. I fretted so much before he came: How would I feel? I haven’t seen him in like, 18 months almost, would my feelings have waned? etc etc. All was forgotten the moment I set eyes on his figure walking down the arrival ramp…time hasn’t changed a thing for me.

The following days after that picture was taken was pure bliss. We knew it was only to be ten days and we chose to live it in denial of the strongest sort. It was the only way to be as happy as we were…

Well, I had to send him off at the airport today; we set off in the morning:

- and words fail to describe how I felt. I now know that feeling was my heart dislodging itself from my chest cavity, smuggling itself into Kean Ghee’s jacket and being walked through the departure gate. The teary (but smiley) picture below was taken seconds before I waved goodbye to my dearest Dar…

I love you so much, Dar!

………..It’s been raining the whole day…and tonight, I shall have to snuggle up to no one…except well, maybe Poppy